High school is hilarious

i was that kid in the freshman retreat video that was to shy for the camera so they kept it on me for about 6 minutes seeing all the wierd things i would do to avoid the camera, ultimatly embarassing myself far more than if i would have just looked at it and smiled with a wave of confidence.

although i have tons of stories of spilling nachos at lunch, getting my head taped, jumping off the bleachers on to the crash mats, and attempting to murder a nalgene bottle for 20 minutes in the wrestling locker room, my siblings who are currently attending high school, which is just an awkward mess of emotions all bundled up into one seriously lame attempt at dating the prom queen, had some awesome stories for me this weekend.

1. Abby from DSHA. So, apparently their somewhat "enforcer" is a nun or sister or some type of kind lay person who also carries a can of whoop-ass around if needed (no can-opener, she just wills it open), comes on the announcements one day with the following, semi-accurate quotation that i surely embelished on for your entertainment: "everyone, its extreemly important that you all listen very carefully to the following message, if you are in the locker rooms, come out into the gym so you can hear this very important message." and this is pretty abnormal so abby is sitting there basically ready to hear something about planes crashing or the universe ending, and she gets this: "Someone has left a sandwich in the office this morning. it is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread, it is cut in half down the middle. if someone is missing their sandwich please come to the office immediatly to claim it." end message.

how awesome is that? had that been at MUHS there would have been a line of like 460 dudes outside the office putting on the best show they could think of to get the sandwich, crying and screaming in a high-pitched voice "my sandwich! my mom made it for me! ohhhhh nooooo *sniffs and snivles* the poor thing out in the world on its own without its paper bag! its inhumane! ohhhhhh sandwich! ohhhhh sandwich.."

"cut down the middle...." ...thats the best part

2. bobby from MUHS. Mr Taylor litterally carries 300 keys that he jingles and subsequently controls the entire school with, as well as a big wooden bat. now, bobby is sitting in the library, a location that is important because in the library people are already really quiet, and mr taylor runs in, bat in hand "EVERYONE SHUT UP! (everyone kinda looks at eachother in the already silent room, thinking it may be a trick) DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE *insert name i cant remember* IS??" some brave, and pretty much suicidal, kid says "i think hes in the AP art room" taylor: "NOPE, ALREADY BURNT THAT PLACE DOWN, ILL KILL HIM" and walks out.

the kid apparently started a fire in the ap art room on accident and just ran out without telling anyone. idiot. mr taylor subsequently pounded his head into his shoe and hung him up on fire for everyone to see.


so those are my 2 stories from the weekend. killer.

have a nice week, and remember, high school wasnt as sweet as we all remember it to be, it was sweeter. especially when "Mr. Smith's Sofa Kingdom" was the best lunch-time soccer name until mr. herman said it over the loud speaker, followed immediatly by a list of the names on that team as well as 3 saturday jugs each. totally worth it.