I am always suprised when i read the lyrics to songs and realize that either:
1. i had it all wrong, woah
2. i have been endorsing a song that i pretty much am against deeply and soulfully
3. holy crap this person is kinda nuts
4. ok it was jibberish, thats what i thought
5. (seldom) sweeeeeeeet
Everyone, well at least me, and in my world thats pretty much everyone, has at one point or another tried to write a song lyric or two, maybe even sing it. the thing i have noticed about song lyrics that do well are the fact that they are filled with a whole ton of passion about one or two things that basically get harped on in a verse refrain format, so in the spirit of the topic, back to the refrain (but this time with that different drum part that you really like)
I am always suprised when i read the lyrics to songs and realize that either:
1. i had it all wrong, woah
2. i have been endorsing a song that i pretty much am against deeply and soulfully
3. holy crap this persons kinda nuts
4. ok it was jibberish, thats what i thought
5. (seldom) sweeeeeeeet
What in gods name did the dude that came home to aretha franklin do to her in order for her to write that song that has helped so many people on their 3rd grade spelling test? ALL she wanted was some respect when this dude came home. I honestly have no idea how you could f that up, although given the chance i probably would with flying colors. I mean seriously! "Aretha! im home. You are a terrible person and i plan on belittling you for a good half hour, after which you will make me dinner and fetch me my slippers, all while humming to me some frank sinatra with that ugly voice of yours"
common dude. get it together.
BUT then again, she did go on to write that song and make millions on it, sooooo i mean, not to promote disrespect, but without it she would probably just be happily married with a normal house and 3 kids, cantoring at mass every 2nd week of the month....
....instrumental break.......
Refrain
Fade out on long last note hold
remember when God went on like a 7 day hit streak with good ideas and created the world?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Bathroom Politics; Hang Eleven and The S-Face
There are few things i can really say i have for sure learned in college, but for sure one thing i could write a doctoral dissertation on is bathroom politics.
First off, to be political and correct, but not PC because thats a computer, i would like to thank Raynor libraries for the play-by-play "s-face" analysis provided by the gigantic mirrors looking you in the face in the handicapped toilet stalls. You all know you have gone in there, seen that the mirror stall was taken, and gone to another floor to see if you could get that glorious spacious seat, where if someone were to awkwardly bust in there they could see you doing a number of things;
1. "streching" with your shirt off or some reason, something about religious beli...your lieing, your boxers arent even off, your not using the toilet, this is a poor attempt at the "convincing ankles" phenomena, you may not use a toilet for a week in light of your misuse
2. practicing that all important "s-face" to get that perfect message accross to, well hopefully, noone but yourself that "this is a serious s i am taking here"
3. expressing a push with the raise of an eyebrow
Thats enough of that, there is much more to get to.
To all you who religously practice the "sit-n-piss" im on to you. So you come in, theres a guy at the uninal, because of this you most likely will stand next to him in shock as 4 seconds ago you litterally wet yourself alittle but now you have never had to take a piss less. Ok, damage control, how far is this guy into his piss? if he looks to be on to the shake you have a good chance he will flush the toilet and your golden, as he will not hear your "not pissing" and you can stand there doing nothing but holding yourself while you "go to the bathroom" throughout the duration of the flush cycle, conviently finished right at the end, throw in the shake, and go piss yourself at the bubbler. If this guy seems to be in for the long haul you have a few options;
1. make a quick comment about how "you hate it when you forget you came to do number 2" and then go to the stall and regret what you said nearly to the point of giving yourself a swirly
2. wait it out, your a quiet urinater, he wouldnt even believe
3. make some kind of noise with your mouth, or attempt to pass gas loudly but without actually needing the stall, as it will take the attention off your failure in front due to a huge success in back
4. hit play on the pre-recorded urination from the week before at the same urinal that you carry around for situations just like this one, seemlessly extended in case you really really needed to take a long recorded piss
5. run out, he never saw your face
6. punch him out cold
In light of these dismal options, you have taken up the sit-n-piss. a brilliantly choreographed masterpiece put on by a few key noises, your ankles, and the amount of time you can sit with your pants off. NOW, its 100% essential that you outlast your opponent already well into his manly stand-n-piss, this includes his hand washing, which you will mostl likely criticize mentally to great detail, because you have been done with what you came to do for a good minute now. If he leaves, no need to waste paper, just hit the flush, wash the hands, your on your way. If someone else enters now the show begins. The periodic heavy breath, small feet shuffle, all leading up to the biggest falsity of them all; taking the toilet paper out of the dispencer, making a wipe noise, and repeating until you feel youve amply cleaned up after doing nothing.
To you, the sit-n-piss, you are a man of few ambitions, and even less stage presence
On to stance. 2 handed raises concearn while no handed (to "hang eleven") has never been more awkward. If you feel the need to switch hands, i will never understand you, you have me fooled.
Onward to old dudes. There is no way in this world you let all that noise out without alittle helper. I mean i have been sitting there minding my own buisness (which is where that term came from) when out of nowhere, after 5 minutes of silence, comes a noise so fierce i am suprised i stay dry. 5 minutes?! what in the hell else were you doing? did you not know you were in the bathroom? did you not make the decision to go based on the fact that it was on its way and you better do something about it? is there a society of men i am not a part of that have it out for me because of my knowledge of this matter, and they feel the need to stump? whatever that was, i commend you, excuse us while we replace the hinges on the stall door.
its bedtime, there is more to come young learners, but i leave you with this
yea, i left the seat down for you, in fact i left it down for me, nothing 3 or 4 sheets of TP and a lap around the seat couldnt fix
enjoy your evening
First off, to be political and correct, but not PC because thats a computer, i would like to thank Raynor libraries for the play-by-play "s-face" analysis provided by the gigantic mirrors looking you in the face in the handicapped toilet stalls. You all know you have gone in there, seen that the mirror stall was taken, and gone to another floor to see if you could get that glorious spacious seat, where if someone were to awkwardly bust in there they could see you doing a number of things;
1. "streching" with your shirt off or some reason, something about religious beli...your lieing, your boxers arent even off, your not using the toilet, this is a poor attempt at the "convincing ankles" phenomena, you may not use a toilet for a week in light of your misuse
2. practicing that all important "s-face" to get that perfect message accross to, well hopefully, noone but yourself that "this is a serious s i am taking here"
3. expressing a push with the raise of an eyebrow
Thats enough of that, there is much more to get to.
To all you who religously practice the "sit-n-piss" im on to you. So you come in, theres a guy at the uninal, because of this you most likely will stand next to him in shock as 4 seconds ago you litterally wet yourself alittle but now you have never had to take a piss less. Ok, damage control, how far is this guy into his piss? if he looks to be on to the shake you have a good chance he will flush the toilet and your golden, as he will not hear your "not pissing" and you can stand there doing nothing but holding yourself while you "go to the bathroom" throughout the duration of the flush cycle, conviently finished right at the end, throw in the shake, and go piss yourself at the bubbler. If this guy seems to be in for the long haul you have a few options;
1. make a quick comment about how "you hate it when you forget you came to do number 2" and then go to the stall and regret what you said nearly to the point of giving yourself a swirly
2. wait it out, your a quiet urinater, he wouldnt even believe
3. make some kind of noise with your mouth, or attempt to pass gas loudly but without actually needing the stall, as it will take the attention off your failure in front due to a huge success in back
4. hit play on the pre-recorded urination from the week before at the same urinal that you carry around for situations just like this one, seemlessly extended in case you really really needed to take a long recorded piss
5. run out, he never saw your face
6. punch him out cold
In light of these dismal options, you have taken up the sit-n-piss. a brilliantly choreographed masterpiece put on by a few key noises, your ankles, and the amount of time you can sit with your pants off. NOW, its 100% essential that you outlast your opponent already well into his manly stand-n-piss, this includes his hand washing, which you will mostl likely criticize mentally to great detail, because you have been done with what you came to do for a good minute now. If he leaves, no need to waste paper, just hit the flush, wash the hands, your on your way. If someone else enters now the show begins. The periodic heavy breath, small feet shuffle, all leading up to the biggest falsity of them all; taking the toilet paper out of the dispencer, making a wipe noise, and repeating until you feel youve amply cleaned up after doing nothing.
To you, the sit-n-piss, you are a man of few ambitions, and even less stage presence
On to stance. 2 handed raises concearn while no handed (to "hang eleven") has never been more awkward. If you feel the need to switch hands, i will never understand you, you have me fooled.
Onward to old dudes. There is no way in this world you let all that noise out without alittle helper. I mean i have been sitting there minding my own buisness (which is where that term came from) when out of nowhere, after 5 minutes of silence, comes a noise so fierce i am suprised i stay dry. 5 minutes?! what in the hell else were you doing? did you not know you were in the bathroom? did you not make the decision to go based on the fact that it was on its way and you better do something about it? is there a society of men i am not a part of that have it out for me because of my knowledge of this matter, and they feel the need to stump? whatever that was, i commend you, excuse us while we replace the hinges on the stall door.
its bedtime, there is more to come young learners, but i leave you with this
yea, i left the seat down for you, in fact i left it down for me, nothing 3 or 4 sheets of TP and a lap around the seat couldnt fix
enjoy your evening
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Wild Side
its not really the amount of homework you have, its the amount of time you can spend looking at it without getting anywhere. If i knew what i were doing, i would be sitting here at 8:30pm and not 1:30am, i would have 6 things crossed out in my assignment notebook instead of 0, and i would have come home and hugged my roommate who was still awake instead of waking my sleeping roommate up and then trying to blame the fact that he was up on him, and that he was being unreasonable. You gotta have money to make money they say, and i think you gotta have smarts to be smart.... smart eh? balls.
i am not going to drone on about how i am feeling and how my day was, but i am going to make it quick; i got my ass kicked by school today and im feeling pretty sheepish.
when it comes down to it, there are challenges constantly throughout the day. Its nonstop. That "bring it on" attitude can really wane off after about 3 seconds once something becomes mundane, monotonus, mainly an m-word having to do with a pain in the ass. But, if you have a goal, for example graduating from college, you can just drag on through the trenches dreading every second of what it takes to achieve it, or you can actually go for it. Give'r the ol' 1-2 punch. kick its ass so bad you feel you may need a lawyer. procrastination just occupies time and kind of puts a negative light on the entire thing, procrastination is the snooze button effect, you gotta get up, but its so much easier to hit a button and do it later.
when are you going to do it then? why not now? go to bed earlier.
ALSO: if i see you walking around the library without shoes on, i will take that as a sign that you are ok with me dropping a conversion van on your foot.
i am not going to drone on about how i am feeling and how my day was, but i am going to make it quick; i got my ass kicked by school today and im feeling pretty sheepish.
when it comes down to it, there are challenges constantly throughout the day. Its nonstop. That "bring it on" attitude can really wane off after about 3 seconds once something becomes mundane, monotonus, mainly an m-word having to do with a pain in the ass. But, if you have a goal, for example graduating from college, you can just drag on through the trenches dreading every second of what it takes to achieve it, or you can actually go for it. Give'r the ol' 1-2 punch. kick its ass so bad you feel you may need a lawyer. procrastination just occupies time and kind of puts a negative light on the entire thing, procrastination is the snooze button effect, you gotta get up, but its so much easier to hit a button and do it later.
when are you going to do it then? why not now? go to bed earlier.
ALSO: if i see you walking around the library without shoes on, i will take that as a sign that you are ok with me dropping a conversion van on your foot.
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