do i get cigarette breaks?

1. I can, without stopping, throw a ball against a wall for about 37 years straight and never get bored. This being said, i might be construed as a very simple person or entirely worthless.

2. I cannot bring myself to essentially turn my brain off during the day for 8 hours and basically throw a ball against a wall, but on my computer and with drawings and stuff.

3. Can you believe i am single at this point? neither can i.

4. i got a $175 ticket for playing around in my apartment, i was conducting myself in a disorderly fasion. Disorder?! YOUR OUT OF ORDER, THIS WHOLE COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER. seriously? well your face is disorderly.

5. dis hors d'oeuvre?

6. as smoking as that last play on words was, i barely even get it, so dont feel bad.

7. its come to the point that the most exciting part of my day is walking down the train tracks on the way to and from subway at lunch pretending i am a vagabond, double-0 agent, or a meaningful scene in a movie.... all with their similarities, all to music.

8. In forest gump just about the best line ever written is "sometimes, there just isnt enough rocks" and i feel i should point that out. that movie is my entire outlook on life... not the rocks part, but more of the 15 doctor peppers part.

9. shrimp fishing = alot harder than it looks.

10. Today i recieved an access card to all of bucyrus that will open doors after hours in case i didnt get enough boredom earlier in the day when i sat here trying to make a funny list that is essentially striking out right now. i mean common, like i have been shrimp fishing

11. GIVER!!

12. in 200 years do you think they will still be reffering to our generations victories over other countries as "sacking" them, or will our perverse culture not be able to handle that?

13. In 200 years do you think they will still give a rats ass about our generation? not if i have anything to do about it, thats for sure

14. In 200 years will we be able to answer these questions that i am asking because of mecidal advancements so great that you just get to decide how long you live? Is there a really bad speilburg film with robots and humans somewhere in this question?

15. do you think that my office knows about this blog and reads it every day? I will have you know, i wrote this on my lunch break.

16. GIVER AGAIN! pronounced 'give her' but really fast, in referance to giving everything you have at the end of a bike race

17. hot lap?

18. this is the worst blog i have ever written, if people are still reading it, i appologize, dont leave me.

piano man is a great song

department wide meeting today at 9:30. Not totally on my game considering the spirited rendition of piano man litterally 7 hours earlier. I am in a dirty white shirt that apparently ripped at the elbow somewhere between putting it on and sitting down among 25 other people who dont know me, but work on the same floor as i do. I full-cup flipcup-ed a big coffee this morning so i am feeling ready to kick some meeting ass and really pay attention. After about a half hour of updates from the department head, we go around the room telling eachother a few things we have all learned in the last month since the last meeting (which i fell asleep at 5 to 6 times, i lost count because, well, i was asleep). what have you learned? some people had some good things to say, apparently shovels has inside jokes that everone but me gets, so i jovially laugh along like an idiot, thinking im having a good time laughing at the jokes people are making about what they learned.

so its getting close to me, and my mind has been running, i wrote down a few things i have learned in the past month, and since i really have only learned how much work blows (along with some other, far more endearing, life lessons), i made some up just for fun to make people laugh. heres exactally what i say with some commentary on the side (mind you, in front of my entire department, please refer to my physical conditions earlier in the blog): "Well, its alittle embarassing, but i finally learned how a shovel works!" 25 people in the room, i know they know how to laugh, they all did it just a second ago at the guy who went before me, SILENT...(its right about here the plane starts into a raging fireball and begins to plummit to the earth at a blinding rate, but i decided to hit the throttle and drive the whole damn thing into the ground to make it official) i come back with... "I learned that duct tape is actually stronger than bolts." Silence still, then i think i blacked out for a second because then i say "And i also learned that i am not that funny."

Holy hell. I dont even know what happened.... i sat back down and on the meeting went, noone said a word. Nothing. When the meeting ended we all walked back downstairs and noone said anything to me. When i walked by some people who had a shorter walk than me they just looked at me as i walked by, with kind of a "who are you?" look on their face. I wish i could bottle and sell awkward, because im a damn awkward factory.

THEN, oh i almost forgot, THEN AT LUNCH.... oh man, this is great... We are sitting at the bar at a burger place... i kinda tagged along because i didnt have anything else to do (that and i am a schmuck), and the bar tender looks at me and the guy im next to and goes "you guys should switch ties, it would look better." Heres me, im thinking "thats fun, im cool with that, i dont really like this tie anyways." so i get my tie COMPLETLY OFF and over my head, and the dude next to me looks at me and goes "no way dude, im not switching."

I tell ya, some days you just gotta count your losses and realize you really really got trounced, and be glad you didnt just get hit by a truck on the way to work. thats a good philosophy, at least you didnt get hit by a truck on the way to work. that is untill you actually get hit by a truck, on the way to work.

what a day. i hope my parents read this