High school is hilarious

i was that kid in the freshman retreat video that was to shy for the camera so they kept it on me for about 6 minutes seeing all the wierd things i would do to avoid the camera, ultimatly embarassing myself far more than if i would have just looked at it and smiled with a wave of confidence.

although i have tons of stories of spilling nachos at lunch, getting my head taped, jumping off the bleachers on to the crash mats, and attempting to murder a nalgene bottle for 20 minutes in the wrestling locker room, my siblings who are currently attending high school, which is just an awkward mess of emotions all bundled up into one seriously lame attempt at dating the prom queen, had some awesome stories for me this weekend.

1. Abby from DSHA. So, apparently their somewhat "enforcer" is a nun or sister or some type of kind lay person who also carries a can of whoop-ass around if needed (no can-opener, she just wills it open), comes on the announcements one day with the following, semi-accurate quotation that i surely embelished on for your entertainment: "everyone, its extreemly important that you all listen very carefully to the following message, if you are in the locker rooms, come out into the gym so you can hear this very important message." and this is pretty abnormal so abby is sitting there basically ready to hear something about planes crashing or the universe ending, and she gets this: "Someone has left a sandwich in the office this morning. it is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread, it is cut in half down the middle. if someone is missing their sandwich please come to the office immediatly to claim it." end message.

how awesome is that? had that been at MUHS there would have been a line of like 460 dudes outside the office putting on the best show they could think of to get the sandwich, crying and screaming in a high-pitched voice "my sandwich! my mom made it for me! ohhhhh nooooo *sniffs and snivles* the poor thing out in the world on its own without its paper bag! its inhumane! ohhhhhh sandwich! ohhhhh sandwich.."

"cut down the middle...." ...thats the best part

2. bobby from MUHS. Mr Taylor litterally carries 300 keys that he jingles and subsequently controls the entire school with, as well as a big wooden bat. now, bobby is sitting in the library, a location that is important because in the library people are already really quiet, and mr taylor runs in, bat in hand "EVERYONE SHUT UP! (everyone kinda looks at eachother in the already silent room, thinking it may be a trick) DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE *insert name i cant remember* IS??" some brave, and pretty much suicidal, kid says "i think hes in the AP art room" taylor: "NOPE, ALREADY BURNT THAT PLACE DOWN, ILL KILL HIM" and walks out.

the kid apparently started a fire in the ap art room on accident and just ran out without telling anyone. idiot. mr taylor subsequently pounded his head into his shoe and hung him up on fire for everyone to see.


so those are my 2 stories from the weekend. killer.

have a nice week, and remember, high school wasnt as sweet as we all remember it to be, it was sweeter. especially when "Mr. Smith's Sofa Kingdom" was the best lunch-time soccer name until mr. herman said it over the loud speaker, followed immediatly by a list of the names on that team as well as 3 saturday jugs each. totally worth it.

Life is full of changes. We (everyone besides the engineers and PT'rs and Donny) are about to embark on unbelievable journeys beyond college, where we either commit ourselves to a sweet 40 hours a week, of which 10 more will be spent in commute/getting ready/getting undressed (bet you didnt think of that). We will most likely feel the need at some point and throw down a wedding for awkward greetings and boozing beyond belief (YOU LOVE IT)... then the honeymoon.... then you pretty much run out of ideas and have some kids. One or more of which, if you are a male, will be a girl/girls (if you think about it, that means everyones having a girl... this is why murphy and his laws are worthless and made up by grumpy people.) Once you have this girl, you will be greeted with this hatred for boys her, and more than her, age because, lets face it, you were a horny douschbag once too and it worked on some girls, resulting in "play." Play. Not throwing legos at your brother, not jumping off the swings, not imagining you are a famous singer and having a concert for beanie babies.... Play, with a dude that drove off with your daughter with the following liscence plate:

man, that guys hilarious.... what a d-bag. if that showed up to my house i would pick up a tree and place it on his. Then i would look him in the eyes and say "once, a barber cut my sideburns when i asked him not too, and i punched his face off and i keep it in a jar on my bedstand. I am asking you to stay away from my daughter, capeish?"

john mayer better remember he has to be nice to my daughter as well. Otherwise i will be putting his face in a jar.

Not a sandwich

The following is not a sandwich:
This is something i thought would be apparently obvious to the people of sodexo at marquette university. But since there may be some discrepency, i have also included a picture of a hippo. I have done this for two reasons; first being that this is also not a sandwich. Second being that, upon recieving this "sandwich," i also felt like yelling.



This is the start of my camera-phone and i blogging together. This is a trial run so-to-speak. I will get better at this as time moves on. I am almost positive that the joining of my camera and my blog will be much appreciated and also much easier for those of you expecting my literary work to be a picture book, as that is all i ever read anyways.

Enjoy your day. Never bring an insufficent sandwich in this house again.