Heavens to Betsy!

Thats what my grandma used to say whenever something suprising happened, which is not really a common occurance with grandmas i feel. They have really experianced just about everything in life, so if you are going to suprise them you really have to swing for the fences and like run their foot over with their own car they day they give it to you.... that never happened.... What? stop looking at me like that.... YOUR SUPPOSED TO TURN AROUND AND LOOK BEHIND YOU WHEN YOU BACK OUT OF A DRIVEWAY!!! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW SHE WAS KISSING THE CAR GOODBYE??!! Im a horrible person. By the way, grandma didnt even say heavens to betsey, she dropped an s-bomb and let me tell you, that is a horrifying thing to hear from a 95 pound woman who has never swore before. dont worry, she only had a bruise.... grandmas are tough.

Currently i am doing a ton of application work and i realized that when John Q. Perspective Employer is considering my application, i am sure he will google my name, find this blog, and read it. For any of you that have read this before, or really for anyone who has made it even this far in this post, you may be thinking this bodes poorly for me. I agree. So i guess that acted as some kind of wierd twisted modivation to tell a story from early in my life that has really had an impact on who i am today. the lesson is; grandmas are better left not run over by a car. no, that may not be the most important advice you have ever recieved, but i tell you this, its validity is of major league status. Its right up there with "knives are best held by their handles," although somewhat obvious, still a very very important thing to know.

The best part about that story is the legal document i recieved from my uncle stating the terms of the settlement, among them were garage cleaning, lawn mowing, and parking in the street from now on. It was a tough bargin, but I was able to get out of the weed pulling and i negotiated a lawn-mower into the settlement instead of the proposed scisors under the condition that i stayed 20 feet away from grandma at all times. Yardwork is soothing. I did not appreciate the steel toed boots i recieved in the mail, i thought that was a bit too far.

Ok, so, im a 23-year-old who writes about these wierd and strikingly awkward things... Its not that i dont realize its a bit different than other people my age, i guess i would just have to say that if i can possibly get someone to laugh a bit just by writing some stuff down, thats a pretty good validation as far as i am concearned.... so to you faithful few that tredge through the spelling mistakes, run-on sentences, and poor vocabulary, hopefully i can pull a smile or two out on you from time to time. have a great day

Jim

an odd number of bread slices? really?

just makes me feel awkward to get to the last few slices of bread (inside the pretentious inner bag, which is contained inside the less pretentious, and far easier to open and close, outer bag) and have it be an odd number.  I think back: "Did i eat a sandwich and forget to close off the other side? Did i snack on one single peice of bread without then being tempted by another peice, some cold-cuts and some mayo? Did i forget to fill the other slot in the toaster? Did the one sock monster get hungry for bread?!?!?!? If this is the case then i am pulling all of my money out of hanes and putting it in brownberry."

Then i thought "Wow, i have been thinking for a long time and its made me even more hungry, maybe i will make a triple layer sandwich and..... OH DEAR GOD" Its that damn triple decker sandwich that is throwing me off! (Moist-maker to all you friends fans out there).  Mystery solved.

I guess thinking pays off.  did any of this actually happen? that remains to be seen.  Its really not the validity of the story that you should be worried about, its the fact that you are still reading that you should seriously worry about.  Actually, if i was 100% truthful all the time i would have to revert to my childhood where i was more curious than cautious and the stories end in sentences like "and thats why i wont be using the wedding candle my parents used in their wedding, in my wedding" or "we learned very quickly not to stand behind the rocket-cars when igniting them, immediatly following that lesson was the next lesson; make sure that if you build a rocket car you make sure it stays on a straight course.... you know, you really have no buisness building a little rocket car out of balsa wood and pine-wood-derby tires because it isnt safe for anyone, not even if you are inside." or finally "so we never went in mr. yacklitch's yard again, not even my dad, not even for the best ball we owned. thats his now, and hes shown us reason not to believe otherwise."

Yea, childhood was phenominal for stories.  I always wonder if there can possibly be a better time in your life than when you arent really responsible for yourself because you just dont know.  When your an adult, you know, your just doing things against what you know, and that makes you an asshole.  Kids arent assholes, they cant be! that sucks. i can deffinatly be an asshole for things my mom talks about today with a smile on her face that i did when i was a kid.  Like throwing my lego structures down the stairs.  or coloring on the table.... or wetting the bed.

i dont know if my mom smiles about those things.... but they still are construed differently depending on how mature i am expected to be, and that is a drag-house.

well, and update on my life as i know it.  This is the video for our senior design project and its pretty cool, and its good evidence that i have learned something here in college since i couldnt do this before i got here, enjoy your week!

Ill give you a thermodynamics problem.

Given: Marvin Gaye Exists and Wrote Music

Assumptions: People can hear

Find: Percentage of living people on the earth right now that would never have even been close to being concieved without Marvin Gaye existing.

Thermal System Schematic:

Analysis:
(Change in Sexual Healing post Marvin Gaye+1(*Accounting for the birth of marvin gaye himself))*(likelyhood your dad could have impressed your mom without marvin gaye) /(Pre-existing Rate of baby-making)

=12% of worlds population that can hear, 4% of people cannot hear, caused by marvin gaye directly.

Conclusion:
Marvin gaye is solely responsible for about 1/6 of the earth. Thankyou marvin gaye, we now have to live in places like milwaukee where its cold 8 months out of the year because theres no more room anywhere else.

Secondary Conclusion:
Without marvin gaye, you probably would have a less fulfilling sexual experiance, if one at all. Not listening to Marvin Gaye is a recognized and effective form of birth control.

I mean, its that simple. Marvin Gaye. Singer, Song Writer, Relationship/Fertility Specialist.

Have a nice day. Please consider the consequences of making a marvin gaye pandora station.