Friday, August 15, 2008

Do NOT push the red button.

So, i was searching to find out if the movie AI (Artificial Inteligence) was reguarded as the worst movie of all time, as i believe it to be. In my combing of all the lists i could find i came across a link to the rasberry awards, which are awards opposite to the oscars aka "worst movie awards."

Artificial Inteligence went unmentioned.... I immediatly disreguard the rasberry awards as a credible information source pertaining to "bad movies"

But, i then came across the Ig Nobel Prize list, which is described as "A parody of the Nobel Prizes, the Ig Nobel Prizes and are given each year in early October — around the time the recipients of the genuine Nobel Prizes are announced — for ten achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think." according to the wikipedia listing. So, I read the entire list. Then, because i like you so much, i decided to make an abridged version of my favorite ones so you didnt have to swim through all worthless ones, and i published it as a google document here (which i thought was pretty awesome). So, if you have some free time, read that. Its hilarious. Also, google is awesome.

While we are at talking about sweet lists of humorous yet somewhat disturbing information, i have to include a link to the darwin awards, just because if you dont know about them, you should. I warn you, the darwin awards are alot like laughing at this cartoon;

You kind of have to leave out that rather imminent "tragedy" component of the story. just like when you watch an action movie and they are just running through buildings and the missiles are just missing the main charecter and blowing away like half a city. never really got upset about that, did you? also, i am sick and tired of things blowing up when they shouldnt, have you seen transformers? When is the last time you were a 30-foot robot punching a giant brick wall and it exploded??? I mean all the times i have been a huge alien transformer and punched a wall it has just fallen over. Lucky for hollywood, they always seem to punch the spot where the workers accidently cemented in some C4 that they mistaked for a regular brick. How convienent.

The darwin awards have an "honerable mention" catagory for the weak at heart. Since the first requirement of a darwin award is to "be rendered dead or sterile" they created the honerable mention catagory, for the decisively stupid yet inexplicably lucky few that invited death in to their house, played 37 rounds of russian roulette with automatic weapons, practiced swan dives into their unfilled pool, juggled live grenades, and ran around naked at night in philidelphia slapping everyone they met signifing each person as "my little princess" and somehow managed to come away without a scratch. that is a sweet list oppertunity, here are some more:

Beat chad johnson in a foot race, live shark dentist, fell asleep under car, nascar track crossing guard, blah blah blah cooked self in oven

so yea, this all got pretty morbid pretty quickly, i think its time to just call it a day and try again later. But i leave you with this: Eddie Murphy is the only person to be nominated more than once for "worst actor" in the same movie. In fact, for his role(s) in Norbit, he was the only actor nominated for the catagory of worst actor, recieving a nomination for each of the 5 charecters he played throughout the movie. He then went on to be the only actor to win both worst actor and worst actress for the same movie.

Have a great day

2 comments:

Kristina Simes said...

hey jim!
it's kristina. and i must say that i am very glad that you think that AI is one of the worst movies of all time. because i whole-heartedly agree, my friend.
that's it. nice blog!

~ dopey said...

since i clearly am not going to call you on your birthday, and since facebook is a poor choice for obvious reasons, i decided to leave your birthday greeting here, in this unassuming corner of your life. see? my message occupies the same space that i do.

i would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you for making it this far out of your mother's uterus. huzzah, hip hooray, for he's a jolly good etc.

also, i would like also to take this moment also and say you're one of the funniest bastards i've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

if you're ever in new york,



make sure to bring film.

love,

dano