Now with links! EXCITEMENT! HILARITY! MADE UP WORDS!

ok, a question;
if you hit a ball out of the park, it travels around the world, and then lands back in the stadium, is that a home run? because yesterday michael phelps and company beat a world record (world. world. world. thats everyone, ever, in the world, for serious.) by like 5 seconds. bonkers. 5 seconds in swimming is like an entire dog year, your dog got one year older in the time between gold and silver, which is sad, because you like your dog.

thats it, thats all i want to talk about as far as the olympics go.... ok no i want to talk about the announcers for like a second. do you need a more comfortable chair? because your being kind of a bitch. im just saying. we should have announcers for our announcers, to pick out their tiny faults and liken them to world catastrophy (good point ryan). ALSO, i saw an interview where someone tried to make a point that the chineese are too young to be in the olympics and therefore that justifies the americans not winning, BUT heres the big old truth-hammer: you just got beat by a 12-year-old, what kind of self-respect (or lack thereof) do you have to have in order to say that? my cousin and i used to play this game (dont worry, this is relavant) on long car trips that we were in a car race, but any car that passed us was disqualified.... thats very american of you

the craziest thing about the olympics is that every person who makes it there devotes their life to what they are doing, and in like an average of like 20 seconds, that lifetime of work is judged and forgotten nearly instantly, unless you hit a ball so hard it drills a hole in the outfield wall, which would happen if michael phelps was a baseball player

i love the olympics


since i dont know what to talk about next, i would like to point out how awesome the title of my blog is, i cant believe how clever i am. get it? sigh? because i am bored? man, its a good thing noone else reads this besides me 6 times a day...... moving on


and now for another installment of "childhood; im cooler than you"
aka, storytime

setting: social awkwardness was reaching a high point as i was just beginning to sprout my very first leg hairs (little did that guy know he was in for a life of getting mowed down once a week, but perservere he will), i was just beginning to learn about whatever sexual crap you learned about 3 or 4 years ago because i am the oldest child and my closest thing to a sexual education was mrs. nelson who encouraged going on dates with mittens on as to stunt the clothing removal process (her year long lesson plan went something like this: birth control with a crazy transition into the holocost, thats it. I love 8th grade, and mrs nelson)....

story: im sitting at the computer desk (thats the actual setting i guess) of my last house, trying to read something with small font that is laying flat on the desk in front of the keyboard. i am allergic to lysol so my mom cleans the things she dosnt want me touching with it, which generally means she runs around the house spraying it in the air while skipping and laughing (thats a total lie, entirely, all of it aside from the sitting at the desk reading thing.... this story may be insight as to why i have so much trouble sitting down to read, and also why lieing in stories is normally better done by not then telling everone it was a lie)... BUT, alas, theres lysol on the desk where i am placing my face within 5 inches of in order to read the exceedingly small font. (you wouldnt believe how short a story this is, but i dragged it out back and beat it into a 3 paragrapher) So, i am breathing, because thats how you stay alive, and i whiff the lysol that i lied about, wound up for a giant sneeze, and then with great force, sneezed my face squarely into the desk. Then, very suprised, immediatly reacted to my head-butting of the desk and went straight backwards over the chair on to the ground.

laying on my back, wondering what had taken place and why i was on the ground, i couldnt help but wish someone would have seen that in passing, maybe with no sound so it looked like i just slammed my face into the desk and then went over backwards. This "childhood, im cooler than you" moment goes to show that heaven is most likely going to be the ability to watch people function when they think noone else is watching. its gonna be awesome.

as for the rest of your day, i hope you have one.

-jim

ps. i hope you like the addition of the links in here, and also the site wikihow.com because its awesome